Fall is sometimes associated as a “season of loss” as daylight hours shorten, temperatures drop, and leaves turn vivid colors before falling to the ground.
In many communities, the season also includes social activities such as hayrides, pumpkin carving, football games, and apple picking. Fall holidays such as Halloween and other harvest celebrations are often celebrated with family and friends.
People suffering the loss of a loved one will feel many emotions when these seasonal traditions continue, without the person they have lost. Whether you are feeling the loss of a relationship, a loved one, or have yourself faced a serious medical condition, seasonal grief can make it difficult to want to fully participate in events and serve as a reminder of death or loss itself.
Ideas For How You Can Support Yourself This Fall
- Treat Yourself with Kindness. If you can, treat yourself to a therapeutic massage, a cozy new throw for the sofa or simply take time to check out books at the local library, knowing you deserve special attention during this time.
- Eat Healthy! Make your favorite soup and other comfort foods that are warm and nourish the body and soul, including such spices and herbs as cinnamon, cloves, rosemary, and garlic. Foods with high serotonin levels such as eggs, cheese, pineapple, tofu, and salmon can help!
- Light Therapy. Using a light therapy box during darker months can help alleviate the effects of reduced sunlight.
- Stay Active. Regular physical activity can boost your mood and energy levels. Even a short walk outside can make a significant difference!
- Connect With Others. Sharing your thoughts and feelings with trusted family members and friends, or in support groups can provide relief and reduce feelings of isolation.
We Remember Them
“As the rising of the sun and it’s going down, we remember them.
At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter, we remember them.
At the opening of the buds and the rebirth of spring, we remember them.
At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer, we remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart, we remember them.
When we have decisions that are difficult to make, we remember them.
As long as we live, they too will live, for they are now a part of us, as we remember them.”
– Rabbi Simcha Kling
How Do I Deal with the Holidays When I am Grieving?
- Do Something Meaningful to You. The greatest gift you as the griever can give to yourself is to do something during the holiday that will be meaningful and includes your loved one’s memory — in whatever way you choose. With that said, some people choose not to do anything, and that’s okay too.
- Take Care of Yourself. Remind yourself throughout the holidays that there are no “have-tos.” Your life has forever been changed, and you are simply attempting to find what will and what won’t work for you as you rebuild your life without your loved one.
- Set Your Expectations. Try to set realistic expectations with the pressures you put on yourself. For some, celebrating the holiday according to family tradition may be a comforting coping strategy. If it is not, allow yourself to take a break.
- Be Realistic. Society encourages you to join in the holiday spirit, but all around you the sounds, sights, and smells trigger memories of the one who has died. The holidays may result in a renewed sense of personal grief — a feeling of loss unlike that experienced in the routine of daily living. No simple guidelines exist that will take away the hurt you are feeling.
- Create a New Normal. Perhaps your holidays were once wrapped in closeness as you celebrated together. Family members now need to try to accept that nothing will ever be the old “normal.” You can create new family traditions.
- Plan Ahead. Decide how you will get through the big day and with whom you wish to spend it. Tell your family and friends. No one is a mind reader, and what is comforting to you might not occur to someone else.
“Love does not end with death;
it merely transforms.
Grief is the space where love grows wings, teaching us to love beyond the barriers of life and death.”
– Anonymous
Join a Monthly Bereavement Support Group
- In-Person Meeting: Second Thursdays from 1 pm – 2 pm at Lake Oswego Adult Community Center
- Virtual Meeting: Third Wednesdays from 5 pm – 6 pm
These bereavement groups are open to adults, caregivers and family members who have lost a loved one to ALS. You do not need to RSVP. Please contact rebekah.albert@alsnorthwest.org or call 503-573-8823 for more information.