Grief Does Not Follow a Calendar
As we embark on this new year, it’s the perfect time to remember that grief does not follow the calendar. Some of us may feel relieved the “old year” is over while some may be feeling especially down now that a new year has started without our loved one.
After losing someone, you may have to adjust not only to the absence of the person you loved but to an entirely new way of life as you plan an alternative course that does not include them.
Since grief is complicated, everyone processes feelings at different speeds and heals in unique ways. While friends and family can provide emotional support, they may not always have the time, energy, and patience to offer constant support.
When the support of friends and family becomes inadequate, you may consider joining a bereavement support group or speaking with a therapist. Finding the right bereavement support group can be difficult, so there are a few considerations to note as you search for a group, if that seems like it might be of interest.
Support for Grief: Drop-in Bereavement Groups
The most well-known of the two major types of support offered for grief is called a Bereavement Group. Those groups are typically offered by care organizations or hospices. They are open to people who are dealing with a death. They are operated on a drop-in basis and are often facilitated by a facilitator who maintains order and helps people express themselves. The need for support groups is based on the fact grieving people often feel isolated in society. They sense that many people are afraid or unwilling to talk to them, and even avoid them. They sometimes feel that others who have not experienced a parallel loss just don’t understand what they’re going through, And finally, they seek support for what they’re experiencing. Those groups are usually referred to as “support groups,” and as such, provide a valuable service to grieving people who are reeling in the immediate aftermath of a major grief-producing loss.
ALS Northwest offers two drop-in grief support groups:
- In Person Bereavement Support- 2nd Thursdays, Noon – 1:00 pm
Lake Oswego Adult Community Center, 505 G Avenue, Lake Oswego, Oregon - Virtual Bereavement Support Group- 3rd Wednesdays, 5:00 – 6:00 pm
Zoom Platform
These are adult-oriented groups, organized and supported by Rebekah Albert, Bereavement Support Coordinator. Please contact Rebekah for more information Rebekah.Albert@alsnorthwest.org or 503-573-8823
Grief Recovery Method Support Groups: Structured Support for Grief
There are other groups that offer a different format beyond basic support. Rather than being primarily focused on providing safety to verbalize feelings about the loss, and to share problems and issues of adapting to life changes, these groups provide a structured program aimed at recovery or completion. The best known of this type is the Grief Recovery Method Support Group which uses a long-established format based on the principles and actions of The Grief Recovery Handbook. These Grief Support Groups format offers a series of small and correct actions that help grieving people discover and complete what was left emotionally
One primary difference is that the Grief Recovery Method Support Group is focused exclusively on recovery from grief, rather than providing a place to share feelings and ideas. Another is that the program is sequential and is presented over a period of weeks or sessions which are facilitated by Grief Recovery Method Specialists. If you’re interested in finding a Specialist in your community, click here.
Here are some additional community resource links which may be helpful:
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Health & Lifestyle Center
1885 NW 185th Ave
Aloha, OR 97006
503-215-6595 -
Portland Adventist Medical Center Grief Classes/Support Meeting
10123 S.E. Market St.
Portland, OR 97216
503-251-6105 -
Tuality Community Hospital Surviving the Loss
335 S.E. 8th
Hillsboro, OR 97123
503-681-1700 -
SW Washington Medical Center Grief and Bereavement Support Group
P.O. Box 1600
Vancouver, WA 98668 -
Providence St. Vincent Hospital & Medical Ctr. Journey Through Grief Program
9205 S.W. Barnes Rd.
Portland, OR 97225
503-291-2261 -
The Dougy Center
S.E. Portland
P.O. Box 86852
Portland, OR 97286
503-775-5683 -
Me, Too. & Company
830 Northeast 47th
Portland, OR 97213
Program Info. 503- 228-2104 -
Stepping Stones
S.W. Washington Medical Center
P.O. Box 1600
Vancouver, WA
Volunteering Can Create Meaning After Loss
ALS Northwest’s Caregiver Mentor Support Program provides former ALS caregivers with the opportunity to share wisdom from their journey caring for a loved one with ALS. As a caregiver mentor, you will be matched with a current ALS caregiver and provide emotional and practical support through in-person or virtual visits. Learn more and apply here or email annie.teer@alsnorthwest.org
Your Loss Matters- Michele Deville
https://www.micheledeville.com/book
Sometimes we are confused by the number of emotions which hit during periods of grief following the loss of a loved one. As grief author Michele Deville has written,
“Grief is so much bigger than crying and feeling sad.
Grief impacts people emotionally, physically, and mentally. It’s one of the hardest and most exhausting things anyone will do.
Still, we live in a world that’s so uncomfortable with loss and grief, grievers are pushed to fit back in and return to a normal that no longer exists. Grievers are expected to be okay and pretend all is good even though their lives have turned upside down.
It’s so important to take care of YOU and to tend to your mind, body, and heart. It’s important to own your grief and to share your feelings and get it all out.
Stuffing and hiding the pain only delays healing and it will stand in the way of you moving forward in life.
Grieving isn’t wrong. It’s a human right and it’s something every single human will experience.
You get to grieve. You get to feel. You get to take care of yourself and tend to your wounds.
I know it can be lonely and especially if you feel like no one understands. But please know you and your grief are safe here. You don’t have to pretend, and you can share anything without fear of being judged.
Your grief matters and I care deeply about you and your heart.”
From all of us at ALS Northwest, we extend our ongoing support. We care about you and remain committed to your support and healing.
Bearing The Unbearable- Joan Cacciatore
https://www.amazon.com/Bearing-Unbearable-Love-Heartbreaking-Grief
In a ground-breaking book entitled Bearing the Unbearable, Joan Cacciatore uses her framework of grief she calls The Emotional Muscles of Grief Theory (Cacciatore, 2010) which posits that grief is not something that diminishes over time but instead remains constant, like a weight we carry. Over time, by engaging with and being present with the grief—what can be thought of as “lifting the weight” daily—individuals build the emotional strength, or “muscles,” required to carry it.
Here are the ideas that underpin her theory:
- Grief as a constant: The grief itself need not shrink or disappear. The intensity of the loss and its emotional impact sometimes remain unchanged over time.
- Emotional growth through engagement: Rather than avoiding grief, actively engaging with the pain—acknowledging it, feeling it, and working through it—builds emotional/psychological muscles and develops an individual’s capacity to bear the weight.
- Strengthened capacity to cope: Over time, the person builds self-trust, gaining the emotional strength to navigate life with the persistent presence of grief. This does not mean the grief is less significant but that the person becomes better able to carry its weight.
- Acceptance (of grief) without erasure: The theory emphasizes the importance of accepting grief as an ongoing part of life. It is not something to be “fixed” or eliminated but integrated into one’s being.
Cacciatore proposes this theory as a response to our grief-avoidant cultural attitudes that often focus on “moving on” or “letting go.” Instead, it advocates for honoring grief as a natural and enduring expression of love and loss, fostering strength and resilience through sustained connection to the emotional experience.
In her own experience of this theory, one second at a time, by being with my grief & lifting its weight every day, little by little, she describes building “emotional muscles.”
“And also, at times I had to drop weight and rest, and that is all part of building the muscles. Growing muscles need time of rest to build.
Of course, it helps to have others to care for us as we learn to carry the heavy weight of their absence. Love and compassion and support go a long, long way…
Grief is heavy & we can carry what is heavy. But we can never learn to carry what we refuse to lift.”
For those of us who may be experiencing our grief in the long term and sometimes very intensely. It can be helpful to know that this does not mean we are not doing the work of grief. We are simply developing the emotional muscles to carry it more lightly.
As time goes by….
The grief of time passing, of life moving on half-finished, of empty spaces that were once bursting with the laughter and energy of people we loved.
If there is love, there will be grief because grief is love’s natural continuation.
It shows up in the aisles of stores we once frequented, in the half-finished bottle of wine we pour out, in the whiff of cologne we get two years after they’ve been gone.
Grief is a giant neon sign, protruding through everything, pointing everywhere, broadcasting loudly, “Love was here.”
In the finer print, quietly, “Love still is.” ~Heidi Priebe
(Source: book reference unclear/Consider one of Priebe’s most famous books: This is Me Letting You Go [ad] https://amzn.to/3tY2nLS)
For additional grief resources, please visit our website
or reach out to Rebekah Albert, our Bereavement Support Coordinator,
Rebekah.Albert@alsnorthwest.org
503-573-8823