If you have lost a significant person in your life to ALS, you may find that seasonal changes in summertime evoke powerful memories of special activities, holidays, and other treasured times you experienced together with them. The longer days and sunshine of summer may feel out of sync with your internal time clock. For those who are grieving, seasonal change can be a challenge and even increase feelings of loss and pain.
Excerpts from The Edge of Grief: A Summer Reflection by Ellen Frankel
“Will it ever stop hurting so much? Will we ever get over the grief?”
These were the questions being put on the table by participants in a support group I was facilitating for those who were recently bereaved. They debated the often-cited notion that time heals all wounds, for the wounds they brought into that room were large, deep gashes, raw and oozing and too tender to touch.
As a bereavement counselor, it is my job to help create a safe space to give voice to the unspeakable, and to companion others in their grief journey as they travel into the wilderness of their soul in search of their own inner knowing and truth.
But it’s a messy business, this grief work. There is no GPS saying where to turn, or when to recalculate, or when you will ever arrive at your destination.
This is what I told them:
When you break a glass, you must be careful when cleaning up. The glass is sharp —so as you pick it up, piece by piece, you must go slowly. Touch the glass cautiously, because even the slightest encounter with the edge can pierce your skin and hurt and bleed. The shards of glass are harsh, and the edges cut deeply.
And you may later find yourself, on a warm, sunny July day, walking along the seashore and stopping because, in front of you, sitting amidst pebbles and rocks and periwinkle shells, is a piece of sea glass. Once, the glass had all sharp edges and now, after it has been buffeted and soothed by the sea, it is smooth. Holding it in your hands you feel its smoothness and the places where it might have a slight ridge. You can rub it on all its sides, for there are no longer sharp edges. In fact, holding it in your hand feels fortifying and strengthening.
“That is how grief can change,” I said. Those are the edges of grief, which can soften over time.
When we hold a piece of sea glass, we touch what was once part of something broken, something that was sharp and painful to the touch. When we hold it after its time of being housed in the ocean of life, it has become stronger in the broken places. Each small piece we find is a treasure. Like the sea glass we hold, we too can grow stronger from our grief.
The Edge of Grief originally appeared in the Huffington Post. Ellen Frankel, LCSW is a clinical social worker, author, and speaker. She has worked in a hospice as a volunteer, a bereavement counselor and currently as a hospice medical social worker at All Care Hospice in Lynn, Massachusetts.
As you navigate grief this summer, try to be patient with yourself and others as you decide what activities you wish to do. Remember, no matter how much you yourself or others wish for you to participate, it is ok to take a “pass” if it does not feel like what you need in the moment. And remember also, while time spent alone is necessary to process grief, it is equally important to connect with others during this time. Some people find shorter outings are easier to manage during the first phases of grieving. It helps to let others know in advance if you plan to stay for a limited period. Taking small steps to support yourself during the summer will go a long way in helping you navigate your grief at your own pace.
ALS Northwest Drop-in Bereavement Groups
ALS Northwest offers two drop-in grief support groups for adults who have lost a significant person in their lives to ALS:
• In Person Bereavement Support: 2nd Thursdays, 12 -1 pm Lake Oswego Adult Community Center, 505 G Avenue, Lake Oswego, Oregon
• Virtual Bereavement Support Group: 3rd Wednesdays, 5 – 6 pm Zoom
These groups are coordinated by Rebekah Albert, Bereavement Services Coordinator. Please contact Rebekah for more information: Rebekah.Albert@alsnorthwest.org or 503-573-8823.
Grief Support Resources in the Portland Metro Area
Here are some additional resources in the Portland Metro area. This listing does not include all bereavement resources available in Oregon and SW Washington. If you have any questions, please contact Rebekah Albert, Bereavement Services Coordinator.
Portland Adventist Medical Center
Grief Classes/Support Group Meetings
(503) 251-6105
Providence St. Vincent Hospital & Medical Center
Journey Through Grief Program
(503) 291-2261
PeaceHealth Southwest Medical Center
Stepping Stones Children’s Grief Support Group (Vancouver, Washington) 360-696-5120
Bereavement Services (360)-514-2000
The Dougy Center
Grief Resources for Kids, Parents & Supporters (503) 775-5683
The Portland Grief House
Community Grief Support (781) 718-5901
Tuality Community Hospital
Surviving the Loss (503) 681-1700