A Change of Season
Fall is my Grief Season. How about you? (What’s Your Grief)
In this piece, author Eleanor Haily describes herself as “operating under the influence of fall, a subtle disorientation that knocks me off kilter just enough for things to go sideways…I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m miserable this time of year; it’s just that the Earth’s rotation has brought me closer to my mother’s absence… the last place I found her. The same place where she left me.” She goes on to say, “fall has its charms, but it’s precisely fall’s best qualities that have become intrinsically tied to my grief.”
Fall may also be the season you lost someone to ALS. For others still, it may hold little significance, except as a sad reminder of time passing since a death and the grief you are still experiencing.
However you are feeling in the aftermath of the loss, it can be helpful to know that your grief process is normal. As humans, we are “hard wired” to feel diverse emotions that are associated with grief, including sadness, guilt, anger, relief, loneliness, even numbness. While there is no set timetable for how long you will experience these difficult feelings, it can help to know that most people experience a decrease in intensity as time goes by. Studies show that approximately 90% of people who lose someone will begin to experience less intense grief after the first 12 to 24 months.
I want to share with you a brief note sent to me by an ALS caregiver who lost her husband approximately two years ago. She said, “I continue to miss my husband every day, but I am now doing ok.” It’s great to know that even as she continues to miss her husband, she is now able to move forward with her life.
Finally, continue to reach out to those you trust to provide emotional support. Whether it includes good friends, close family members, a therapist, or a support group, you deserve as much support as you need.
Seasonal Grief Self-Help Tips
- Don’t try to hide or ignore grief. Feeling grief is a step towards moving forward.
- Treat yourself like a dear friend with nourishing favorite foods, good books, and comforting conversations with friends.
- Remind yourself that in past years, other sad seasons have come and gone in your life. From some losses, there have come some new possibilities.
- Don’t be isolated. Find solace alone when needed, but also find company and life in others and from the outside world.
Remember that even as we are grieving, there will be a future, and with it an opportunity to appreciate a wealth of memories recalling smiles, laughter, wisdom, humor and caring. If the grief is new for you, this may seem next to impossible. But know that there will be a future in which you can appreciate the past.
Bereavement Support Resources – SW Washington
ALS Northwest Drop-In Bereavement Groups
ALS Northwest offers two drop-in grief support groups for adults who have lost a significant person in their lives to ALS:
- In Person Bereavement Support: 2nd Thursdays, 12 -1 pm, Lake Oswego Adult Community Center, 505 G Avenue, Lake Oswego, Oregon
- Virtual Bereavement Support Group: 3rd Wednesdays, 5 – 6 pm, Zoom
These groups are coordinated by Rebekah Albert, Bereavement Services Coordinator. Please contact Rebekah for more information: rebekah.albert@alsnorthwest.org or 503-573-8823.
Sincerely,
Rebekah Albert
Bereavement Services Coordinator